


Empty Hands Bleeding Hope

by bubblewrapstargirl



Series: One Shots [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, Dean Hates Himself, First Blade, Love Confessions, M/M, Mark of Cain, Season/Series 09, but Cas loves him enough for the both of them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1597469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubblewrapstargirl/pseuds/bubblewrapstargirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"To me, you are the best, brightest, most beautiful thing in all of creation."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Empty Hands Bleeding Hope

Cas’s voice was strong; unwavering, but belied by the horror in his gaze.

“Dean. Please put down the blade.”

Dean laughed, and it was a bitter, mirthless sound. Thick red blood oozed along his bare forearms, dripping from the jawbone in his hand, heavy with clumps of skin and hair.

“No.”

Cas’s expression crumpled, heavy lines weighing down his flesh with grief.

“It is corrupting you,” He said; “If you do not release it, you might forget everything that you are.”

“Good.” Dean snarled shortly. “I want to forget.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“Don’t I?” Dean took a menacing step towards the angel, but Cas stood firm.

“You once told me that freedom and free will were worth fighting for.” said Cas, “But you would willingly become a slave to the blade's power? Bloodlust clouding your mind, your judgement, so completely, that you would forgo your humanity for the sensation- forgetting all your friends, allies and earthly pleasures?”

“What am I supposed to wanna remember? A brother that hates me? Dead friends, family? All this pain, and guilt, this hate... it’s me. It’s who I am. And I’m done fighting it.”

There was no flicker of doubt in Dean’s eyes, no twitch of his jaw or flick of restless fingers to indicate he was being anything but truthful with Cas; or at least, his version of the truth.

“Sam still loves you. And the guilt that you feel is not everything that you are. You are a good man, Dean Winchester. You are the best man that I have ever known. You are my friend, and if I could take the pain that you carry away from you, and into myself, I would not hesitate to do so.”

Cas took a bold, brave step into Dean’s ‘personal space’, knowing full well the weapon in the other man’s hand could destroy him. He ignored the sizzling fear racing down his spine. He did not break eye contact with Dean, defiantly holding the hunter’s attention, to ensure the truth of his message could not be denied.

“I have existed for millennia,” he began, “Since before the human race and this universe they reside in, were even a concept in my Father’s mind. I have done terrible things in His service, and under orders from Heaven. In my quests to prove or redeem myself, I have torn realms apart, obliterated my kind almost to the point of extinction, and endangered this planet, all through my arrogance and pride. But if there was one thing in my existence that I could say, without a doubt, that I do not regret, no matter how much suffering it led to... it is loving you.”

Lightning quick, a bolt of shock rippled across Dean’s face; quickly replaced by stony detachment. Cas soldiered on, regardless.

“A sister of mine once said that the moment I touched your soul in the Pit, I was lost. But she was wrong. I was not lost, Dean. I was finally found. I only had one purpose before you; to serve. I had doubts, but I never spoke of nor acted upon them. Dean, you brought a clarity that I had never known before. Because you are pure, and righteous; a defender of the innocent- and loving you was the first act of free will, of true rebellion against apathy and restraint, that I ever made.”

“You’re lying.” Dean hissed, his tone deepening with barely-contained fury.

“No, Dean. Why do you think Metatron needed my grace for his spell? His ingredients were simple. The death of a nephilim; destroying the product of love between man and angel. Severing a cupid’s bow, cutting away Heaven’s gift of love to humanity. And the grace of an angel in love with a human; grace altered irrevocably by that love.”

“I’m not worth anyone’s love. Least of all yours.”

There was no self-pity in Dean’s voice; only self-disgust and honest belief in his unworthiness. Cas wanted to reach out and shake him loose from this wretchedness, but wisely refrained.

“That is not for you to decide. My love is my own, to bestow on whoever I choose. And I have never loved anything the way that I love you, Dean. Not even my Father.” 

“Then you’re a stupid son of a bitch, Cas. I can’t- I’m not-”

“But you are. To me, you are the best, brightest, most beautiful thing in all of creation. If I had the power to traverse time, and erase the destiny which God laid out for you before it had even begun, I would do so without regret. If I could guarantee your health and happiness, I would give up eternity for you to have the peace you deserve; even if, in doing so, all knowledge of me was taken from you.”  


Dean’s voice was raw with helpless confusion when he spat out: “ _Why?_ ”

The answer, of course, was simple.

“Because I love you.” 

Cas’s lips softened into something that might be termed a smile. “And it is not conditional on your returned affection, or even your acknowledgement. That is why I refuse to watch you lose all that you are to this... _infection_. All I want is your safety and contentment, and I do not believe the blade will bring you either.”

For a long moment, there was nothing but the sound of deep breathing in the dank, dusty room. Then Dean’s chest gave a mighty heave and the First Blade slipped through his numb fingers, a bewildered look upon his blood-spattered face.

Slowly, the way one approaches a frightened animal, Cas stepped forward, and gripped Dean’s empty hand with a gentle, tentative touch.

Green eyes swimming with unshed tears fluttered closed; as though Dean could not bear to face the emotion Cas prostrated at his feet without the deadening effect of the blade to shield him from it. Then, with a sudden, urgent movement, Dean closed the small gap between them and flung his arms around Cas. Cas put his newfound knowledge of hugs into action, carefully settling his hands on Dean’s back; knowing it would be a long time until either of them let go.

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to get jossed to hell and back but I need this in the finale like burning


End file.
